9:32pm - Dec. 1

Finding the space between work, sleep, eat to do the only thing that keeps you going. I was never meant to be kept quite. Never much for partying. My release is different. There's something to be said about the passionate. I will always admire those who do what they love. Someone who can dedicate there life to being happy. I currently have half the hours in my week dedicated to being a mindless slob of a capitalist. And I can justify it just about anyway I find how but it doesn't make me happier. Yes, it's nice to have somewhere warm to sleep. Yes, it's nice not having to check my bank account before I go grocery shopping. It's nice to be able to pay back all that money I borrowed. It's all so Minnesota Nice.

So am I selfish for not being satisfied?

11:47pm - Nov 21

A new beginning. If ultimately this music is what matters to me in this life. This band was it but the band isn’t good enough. I am not holding back. If this is our project and I’m dedicating 20 hours a week and you can’t spare 2 then fuck it. My 20 hours is down to checking email a few times a week and the 5 hours I spend at the show. The load-in, the load-out, promotion, that’s all part of it. Yeah I stayed out all night, yeah I had to work a 10 hour shift the next day. For what? 15 bucks. The chance to play for a few drunk friends. I’m done with amateurs. If you don’t have what it takes, don’t waste my time.

21 feels too old to start over. At 17, I thought I had it all. I thought people took the word “serious” seriously. I thought you wanted to put “entertainer” under job on your 1040. But the past year has brought us less then 2 steps further. So I bite my lip and count my loses. It’s a shame. I’m trying to move forward. Stop Drop isn’t just a name, it’s the commitment that I won’t stop playing music till I drop dead.

Fri Oct 8, 2010 - Duluth, MN

Been awhile since I've written anything. Stuck in a rut of work, work, work. Currently I have four part time jobs which has left little time for reflecting and writing. I spent time this past year looking at the movements from the outside. The way most people see it. I have seen how easy it can be to forget about the people and what they think. To become so wrapped up in your ideas that you lose touch with the community. For awhile I lost touch. You can get so lost in meetings and micromanaging and self importance. But in the end all that really matters is the effect you had on the lives of others, and if all you succeeded in doing was putting off others, then you took a step backwards.

I've been standing still for too long. Time to start moving forward again.